365 Days of Planning Question 2: What have you been trying to overcome?

( Work on your inner struggles before you plan 2019).

When I suffered from depression, I had this sick feeling of hopelessness, helplessness, aimlessness, weakness- it was the worst feeling of my life when I couldn’t move.

The world started and ended too early and nothing was worth living for back in 2010. Yet, 2010 became the turning point of my life. I realised everything is in the mind.

I became mindful of how I spoke to myself. I became aware of myself, what I wanted and why I wanted what I wanted.

The only problem; I was fearful, suffered from scarcity mentality which is an enemy of progress just as depression. I belittled myself every single day and every negative word spoken into my ears  I heard because of the pregnancy before my graduation( shame) I brought, I ridiculed myself – even after the depression faded.

Once in a while when idle or when broke I’d speak words which killed me within, smashed my existence and being. I never helped myself at all.

I became a victim of myself. I encouraged too many people to talk inside my brain, I confessed with my heart and mouth then died inside myself more times than I could count.

I felt like a naked worm, hang on the line for people to admire the way I crawled, to ridicule every move I made and to make me regret every day I lived on earth.

I became suicidal but I’m a coward, I cannot jump, slash my wrist, I can maybe take tablets to end it all. But I didn’t have the strength to get off my ass to take the tablets and even if I had, which tablets would I have to buy?

In Kenya, some tablets aren’t just distributed  and rat poisoning isn’t effective as it was long ago… we found better ways to kill rats, even capturing them and releasing them to the fields.

I decided to let go, the pain, anguish, anger, pain, the grudges, the evil vengeful plans I had, I decided to let them go.

Sometimes, all we have to do is decide to let go of the previous plans.

A thought: We have to overcome the past, think of the present, plan the present. As for the future, do we even know a thing?

Obstacles are meant to encourage you to believe, to love the process. In fact, obstacles make you more appreciative.

If obstacles make you sick, just convince yourself that it’s a way for God, of God helping you to shape you or for you to be shaped for the future.

Obstacles make you know what it takes to grasp a concept, it makes you respect those who are before you and after you. They make you want to create change, a better place, right?

Sometimes, obstacles if you’re narrow-visioned can cause you to block your PURPOSE. Your why for existence, your why for waking up.

My depression stopped me from vision, my memory, organs were blocked. Just a little nudge with the Word of God helped me move in the right direction. I’m an unapologetic spiritualist and that will be so.

Obstacles can threaten to stop your purpose, derail your motive make you feel like you cannot achieve. I tell you, don’t heed because when all is said and done, you’re going to reap the fruits of your patience, pains. This is cliché but seriously, ”no pain no gain”, don’t ever forget that.

Get motivated to find your purpose before you plan 2019 on the 365 Days of Planning.

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