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Last Updated on 17 September 2014 by Gertrude


While I’m for men being responsible, taking action and control, its disheartening when you include your child. Who said its men who neglect their child only, women do too. Going out Monday through Sunday and leaving your kid to be tendered for by the neighbours, isn’t that neglect and even devilish?

I heard about this on a radio station, interesting to note that there’s a page supporting women and ‘their problems’. Here’s why this ‘FIDA Kenya’ on facebook is dangerous for you and the kid/s.

  1. Your child needs her/his privacy.

Putting your child’s photo on social media sticks for a long time – until the child becomes older. Would you love to grow up seeing a photo of you which mum put on facebook because she had challenges in her marriage or vice versa? She/he may become a laughing stock, cheki Mwangi kitambo wakati wazazi wake walikuwa wanamng’ang’ania! This child will be shy, lose his/her identity because he/she became a ‘celeb’ when they didn’t intend to.!

  1. Stop using your child.

Becoming a victim of ‘my child will give me what I want’ is a dangerous game. Mbona mke, msichana unajidhalilisha hivi? Most of the women on this ‘programme’ are of this type. Yes you got a child, there had to be a way to prevent the pregnancy. The fun was too sweet, sometimes not because you loved the guy but because he has money and a child can be used to change your cause of water! You have legs, hands, eyes and ears and are very beautiful, why then don’t you leave this man to give you from his heart?

  1. Does this court ask for a DNA.

Good cause hey? With flaws? Plenty! Its the woman story, she said, she said there’s no, he said or he did. The man made a mistake to make a woman pregnant, the woman had no mistake to ask for protection despite it being given for free in medical facilities. It was illegal for her to carry a condom in her purse yet, she knew she’d have sex. The man made a mistake because he ‘raped’ an eighteen nineteen year old who consented to sex with him. Damn it! Its always about the man, right? Have a DNA!

  1. A child is a blessing.

In marriages, a man rejects his child maybe because the child came on ‘white’ yet, he is black. Yes, there are so many of these incidences in marriage. Some men end up neglecting women and ‘their’ babies because he thinks they have ‘chinese’ blood. The women of the time, stuck in bad marriages and we are the children, proud to be. What if our parents exposed us to such shame?. Mind you this woman has gone to more than a million mikutano ya wazee even the wazees concur with the man of the house. ”Hawa watoto ni wachinese, wazungu, si wa mumeo”. The woman fights on, loves her kids. Later when she has had it to here … throat, she divorces the man … 40 years later!

  1. Attention seeker.

Many a women and men love being on media either for the right or wrong reasons, so do some parents. A woman may have stayed single for two years then heard the man who impregnanted her married. She has to resolve to a deadly method, ‘thinking of herself’. She has to be seen and heard and she has to ‘ashame’ the man who made her ‘suffer’ for two years!

  1. Jealous/ envious

Did you know envy and jealousy can make someone asinine? Did you know it is an incurable disease, pschyologists concur; its a cause of numerous deaths in marriages and relationships in the world. Some percentage. Do be careful when jealousy has possessed you to the extent you don’t want a man who got you pregnant to move on with his life and wife. Do be careful because you never know ‘what if’ you lived together the marriage or come we stay would amount to.

You can do a favour for you and the child – escape from the ‘monster’ hoping he’ll find you or see you on t.v one day. Children who have been neglected by their parents show so much independence and most end up being members of the society – wanaotajika mtu wangu. Stop chasing this man, let him go, let him pretend there’s nothing between the two of you. Let him be, the one suffering is your child.

Yes fight for your child’s rights but not on social media. Rarely is there a fight when the man is poor and barely earning a dollar per day. The fight here is for the moneyed Kenyan men who leave their women, not child! He has chosen to leave you, right? Harden yourself like a rock and prove to him you can. Some men often regret this choice they made and this child that they left becomes their solid foundation when they are too sick to stand!.

I would leave such man, see how many hours of the week you will waste taking selfies posting and bashing a busy man. Your child has no milk for the day because you were busy on social media. Remember even if he has said NO to you, you won’t be the first single woman on earth, there are many – by choice and by neglect. These women did it so can you. If he ran away, why ‘impose on him’. My dear you will lack breath at the numerous court battles whether on social media or out.

Don’t make your child have low self esteem, because of negative pressure. If the man says no, don’t fight too much you’ll be so exhausted, trust me, I know. You are preventing yourself from moving on and finding the best man for you and your child. Or is there negative pressure on step parenting? Then stay alone, don’t you see? You can be stronger without help from this man, you can do it alone. May take sometime but you can do it!

In your opinion, can you expose a baby mama/ daddy? If so why, if not why not? Share, share and share … .




1 Comment

stephanie · 18 November 2014 at 8:01 AM

Thank you Eileen.

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